J4793

Sex: Female Age: 31 Marital Status: Married Lives: Scotland Works: Part time Yesterday (Friday 1st June 2012) I spent the day cleaning the house and tidying, in preparation for the Jubilee. I had invited my Mother to stay, and was looking forward to it, with bunting and Jubilee-themed cake and had got her a box of commemorative biscuits in a special tin from Marks & Spencer’s and made a cushion for her in red cotton with white crowns printed on it, edged in black pom-pom trim. It didn’t take long to do the main cover, but I sat and hand sewed the trim in place to get a better finish. I was excited about spending the weekend watching the celebrations on TV, eating cake, sitting in the garden if it was nice, and talking and laughing and maybe doing a jigsaw. In the morning (2nd June) she text me saying she was going to get her hair done for a night out she had on the Tuesday, and that my husband and I could stop by if we wanted. It felt like a mute response to the efforts I had put in. I was hurt, with everything ready for a party, but no-one to share it with. My husband isn’t very interested, and had an exam to prepare for, so was planning on getting on with that while my Mum and I celebrated. I wanted to nip round the shops and pick up the last round of knick knacks and bargains and branded Jubilee things, but felt there was no point. He accused me of being materialistic, buying things we don’t need, bringing more crap/junk into our house. I couldn’t help tears, feeling somewhat useless and at a loose end. As my husband rightly said: we don’t know anyone else who is interested in the Jubilee – just me and my Mum. The house was ready, and I had even created a space in the living room with a union jack box and a tin in the shape of a London bus with ‘Marble Arch’ as its destination. On top of the box I put the commemorative plate of William and Kate that was made for their wedding, and called it ‘Royal Corner’ and thought Mum would have appreciated it. I stared at it feeling really stupid. I said to my husband, how I’d always wanted to be part of a big family, to have brothers and sisters and cousins living nearby, but my family is spread out and even though we are married, he isn’t close to his family/siblings, which means I am not either. I realised that if I wanted to have a party with someone, I would have to have my own family. The thought was at once sobering, sad and a little distasteful. Why didn’t my Mum want to come and celebrate all together, rather than sit alone? I moped about and cried quite a bit and ended up having a big fight with my husband. I didn’t watch any TV. I read the Marks & Spencer’s Jubilee edition magazine. My eyes were red and sore and I didn’t actually want to be seen in public. My husband suggested going to the cinema but I felt exhausted and emotionally drained. We decided to go for a walk to perk me up and get some fresh air. On the way we saw lots of families with buggies and children and balloons, who had obviously been to a street party. I had heard about one but gave the brochure with all the local events to my Mum. She never mentioned it. With planning to spend the weekend with her, I hadn’t been overly bothered. It just compounded my feelings of loneliness and a sense of having ‘missed out’ while everyone else was celebrating with friends. All the crying made me tired, so it was an early night. On the Sunday I still felt the same, and was still crying on and off. We had another fight, my husband and I. Eventually we decided to get out of the house for a bit because I felt trapped with my emotions and just really desolate. We went to Next Home and I bought a toilet roll holder for the bathroom. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me. It was sparkly glass mosaic, like diamonds. Like the diamond Jubilee. Then we went to Ikea. I hadn’t been for a while and love the cosy little rooms they make up that feel just like real living rooms and bedrooms etc. It made me feel better and then we saw a special weekend deal on a linen closet in grey wood. It was £99. We bought it. The rest of the night was spent building the closet and making space for it in the spare room. It saved the weekend for me and it was fun working together to build it up. I felt better. I had missed the entire River Boat Pageant and didn’t really care at this point. On Monday I was up early and spent the day re-arranging my spare room and putting my things – fabrics etc – into the new linen closet. This created a lot more space and led to a revamped idea of how it can be used and freed up storage boxes. I also got rid of lots of things I no longer needed and recycled lots of things. I felt good about it but tired at the end of the day. My husband had to work that day so I spent it mainly alone. Overall I was sad that I missed out on the Jubilee. I had arranged to meet my Mother on the Tuesday anyway, and had taken the day off work specially. I was a bit cool with her and explained all the trouble I had gone to. I don’t think she had any idea. She is strange sometimes. It made me sad to write this and to think about the wasted weekend.